In the dark...

...I fumbled.

As we move ahead with our life, we often have a tendency to look back and ponder over the flash of memories somewhere hidden safely in the tiny part of our unbelievable mind. Some memories bring up an instant smile and brightness in the face, the moment we think about them and we easily drew in to relish the moments with cheerful heart.  And there would be some other memories which we wish not to be a part of our diary and if possible we pray that they get erased completely from off our mind. We embrace the thought with gladness, that seem to have registered like a perfect bliss. But those traces of our life which remained like a painful reflection, sounds terrifying even with a little inclination toward it. It feels like some dark voices from our past still keep haunting us whenever an incident connected to such a terrible memory is brought up, without realising the fact that we got to discover an agreeable lesson followed by those creepy recollections. Aside from both the opposite records we have discussed now, we also have another noticeable nostalgia which remains like an unfolded puzzle all along. And this memory is neither an ecstasy nor a horrifying thought, it is just some weird recapture that was never explainable or answerable. As far as i know, many things in our life happen for a reason and most clearly for a good reason. But this mystifying memory that nested in our thoughts like a unsolved puzzle never had any reason or a clue of its happening. Or probably we failed to figure out the cause of that event, when it occured and now it remained like an enigma. Are you confused with i am trying to say? I am sure I must have overwhelmed you with my cryptic flow of communication. I am going to share my own experience of such an ambigous memory. There was this guy at work who always would make it a point to ask me a question whenever he was done with the presentation, which seemed like he was doing it on purpose. And one day his questions were all for me as if no one else existed in the room except me. Next day when i wanted to talk to him about the same, i learnt that he left the organisation and the other day was his last day working day. I also remember an incident when there was a cake cutting on some occasion and while i was waiting for my turn to grab a piece of cake, he appeared out of the blue and handed a slice to me. If i put together all these things and try to understand the reason for his weird act, i can think of these possibilities: he liked me, but was intimidated by me for some reason or he was just too hesitant to walk up to me boldly and ask for a date or, probably he thought he gave me enough hints for me to understand that he held some soft corner toward me, but i was oblivious about it. These are just my assumptions, and i could have had a better reason  or answer  for his behaviour if he had approached me  without any hesitation or if i had realised his behaviour to be something worth given importance at some point of time and confronted him with the same interest. But now this is going to be like an obscurity in my memory as i was very late to realise the fact that he was probably in some way interested me and also to learn if my assumptions were actually right. All this narration doesn't mean that we have to look back and keep wondering at such an equivocacy, what i meant to say is when we are given a choice to control our destiny we usually hesitate or fail to do that for many reasons and later regret about it. I know that, not all times it is possible to control the destiny, but we can do so without fail, atleast when we are equipped with the right opportunities. Our hesitation would do us no good, but block our way to communicate better. And that was just one example of a vague moment i tried to explain here, but if we try and govern our stroke of luck in every possible circumstance where there is an opening for hesitation, our life would be filled with memories of less obscure moments. Because later when we try to look for answers for such a puzzle like thought, it would be like fumbling in the dark.